A Journey To The Truth
by SkittlesUhbDhm
Summary: [Finished] Ayame quit smoking, then she started up again but refuses to tell her room mate, Sango, the reason. What happens when Sango doesn't let the subject drop and strives to find the reason and she does find it out? [Read And Review]
1. Stop Nagging Me

There were several clicking noises then the sound of gas leaking out from something which was followed by the sound of clicking again. After the final click, a light erupted from the item that had been making the clicking noise, and with the light that it gave off, you could tell it was a lighter. The flame died down as whoever was holding it let go of the button and stuffed it hurriedly into her jacket pocket. A deep inhale could be heard in the silent alley, then an exhale as the person started puffing at the cigarette she had put in the corner of her mouth.

'It's been too damn long,' the girl said, taking a deep puff off of the cigarette then took it out of her mouth, blowing smoke out afterwards. She soon replaced it at the corner or her mouth and ran a hand through her long red-brown hair. Her green eyes glinted as she watched the smoke slowly disperse in the air, then stood up and walked out of the alley, deciding she didn't need to be secret at the moment, her room mate was asleep.

'You said you were going to quit,' a voice said from the right side of the alley. The figure the voice belonged to was a girl, who had crossed her arms over her chest and was tapping her foot angrily. 'Give me that.' She snatched the cigarette out of the rusty haired girl's mouth and dropped it on the ground, stepping on it to put it out. Brown eyes were narrowed into a glare as the girl continued to tap her foot angrily, her dark brown hair falling into her eyes. 'Ayame, you said you were going to quit smoking, what happened?'

An exasperated sigh came from the girl called Ayame and she just passed by her room mate, 'I did quit. I quit smoking for three months, and now I'm smoking again.' She ran her hand through her hair once again and tugged a bit at the small spaghetti strap she wore, pulling it to her stomach. 'Get over it; you can't change me, Sango. It's hard enough with my parents nagging me about my smoking; I don't need my best friend to do it, too.' As she walked, she could hear the scraping of the bottom of her jeans on the ground, dragging along the ground since they were too big for her.

Sango rolled her eyes and followed Ayame down the street in the opposite direction of their apartment. 'Ayame, come on, three months is good! You can't just give in to the temptation!' She grabbed a hold of her friend's shoulder and spun her around, watching the emerald gaze of the girl in front of her avert to the ground. 'Why _did_ you start smoking again, anyway?'

The question remained unanswered as the rusty haired girl tore her shoulder out of the brunette's hand and stalked down the street, stuffing her hands into her pockets. Her fingers wrapped around the lighter and she pulled it out, and the grabbed an extra cigarette from the side of her boot, lighting it up. 'I don't need to hear this shit… I'll smoke if I want to,' she sighed to herself, rolling her eyes at the ground.

Sango sighed and rolled her eyes; walking back towards their apartment then opened the door and walked to the phone. 'He should know…' she said as she picked up the receiver and hit the speed dial for Kouga's house, hoping he was home to pick up.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings. A fourth ring followed by the bleary voice of someone just waking up on the other line. 'What… what time is it?' the voice asked into the receiver, yawning as he did so. 'It's three in the morning, what in all hells are you calling me for?' Obviously the person had found a clock and figured out the time on his own. 'If you're someone selling something, I don't want any.'

'You're normally awake at this hour, what's with you sleeping now?' Sango asked, laughing as she sat down on the counter and looked around the kitchen. 'You're very lovely when you first wake up, I don't see why Aya says you're beautiful first thing in the morning.' That was all the joking she had time for, so she sighed deeply and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, 'Speaking of her…'

Kouga remained silent for a while, trying to figure out whose voice he was hearing since it didn't seem to hit him and he hadn't looked at his caller I.D to find out. 'Wait… who _is_ this?' It was right after he asked that he realized who he was talking to and made a kind of loud 'oh!' sound. 'Ignore my last question,' a yawn, 'you just woke me up. Anyway, what's up with Ayame that you have to call me at this hour?'

A sigh escaped from Sango's slightly parted lips as she played out how the conversation would go in her mind; it wasn't taking a very good turn for sure. 'She's smoking again.' She groaned and put her head into her hands, rubbing her eyes with her palm while she held the phone up to her ear with her shoulder. 'She refused to tell me why when I asked her; she just went off towards town and lit up another one. Did you know she started smoking again?'

There was silence from the other line and then a snore signaling that the person had fallen asleep while being spoken to. 'You're useless,' Sango said and hung up, wondering how long it'd take for the boy to realize no one was on the line. 'Probably until he wakes up with afternoon,' she laughed, hopping off of the counter.

It was three in the morning, where was Ayame going to go this late at night? The local bars had closed, that was where she normally went, and there was no where else she usually went, except maybe to Kouga's place. That was it, Ayame was probably heading towards Kouga's house at the very moment, so that was where Sango was going to go and hope that her friend was at.

Half an hour of walking later, Sango approached the door to Kouga's house and knocked on it several times. The first time no one answered, so Sango knocked again, but the door remained unlocked. 'Argh,' she groaned and started banging her fists on the door, hoping that she'd wake up the damn guy soon enough, it was starting to get cold outside!

'First the phone and now the door,' Kouga mumbled, hanging the phone up after hearing the dial tone. He undid the lock and opened his door, staring at Sango through half closed eyes, 'What this time? Didn't you talk to me enough on the phone? That's twice in half an hour you've disrupted my sleep.' Yawning, he opened the door completely and let Sango in, closing it afterwards.

'She's not here?' she asked, quirking a brow as she looked around the small house. 'Where did she go then?' That was the last thing spoken to Kouga before Sango opened the door and let herself out, closing it behind her. If Ayame wasn't there, where _was_ she exactly?

Several moments of blinking passed before the raven haired boy walked to the door and locked it, tossing himself onto the couch to sleep again. 'Next time someone wakes me up, I'll kill them,' he grumbled angrily to himself as he curled up. 'Don't people understand I need my beauty sleep?' A few minutes later, Kouga was back to sleep, snoring soundly, out for the rest of the morning and into the afternoon, despite any phones ringing or doors being knocked on.

While Sango had been calling and going to Kouga's house, Ayame had been walking through the city, not really sure where she was going except to get another pack of cigarettes. 'She should be effing happy,' she mused to herself, walking into a gas station. 'Give me the normal,' she said, pulling out her wallet and the proper amount of money.

The clerk nodded, obviously knowing what her regular was, and went to the glass case with the cigarettes and grabbed a pack of Camels. 'Five dollars and sixteen cents,' she said and took the money from Ayame, putting it into the cash register. 'Your… change?' she began to ask, but when she turned around, the girl had left and was back to walking around outside.

'I don't need her shit, I quit all the other stuff she asked me to, I don't need to quit smoking, too,' she grumbled angrily to herself, kicking a soda can that was in front of her. She put the pack of cigarettes into her pocket and rubbed her eyes, yawning a little bit while she did so, and ran her hands through her hair, a habit she had picked up when she was in middle school, thirteen years old to be exact. That habit had been with her for seven years, and Ayame was extremely surprised she hadn't grown out of it.


	2. Unexpected Encounters

It was about seven in the morning when Sango had finally given up on looking for Ayame, figuring she'd end up coming soon on her own. That was when Sango would attack! Well, not really attack, just sit Ayame down and figure out why she had started smoking again. She yawned and drowsily walked into her room, throwing herself on her bed with a yawn, and closed her eyes to get some sleep. All the running around and knocking on doors she had done had made her exhausted, and now was probably the only sleep she'd get for the rest of the day.

There was a knock at the door. Two minutes of sleep wasn't _too_ bad, it was better than getting no sleep, after all. Groaning a little, Sango stood up and slowly walked to the door, glaring at it as several more knocks were issued. 'I'm coming for crying out loud! Just stop with the banging, I'd like my door to remain on its hinges!' The ganging finally stopped, to Sango's amazement. When she unlocked the door, it wasn't who she was expecting; she had hoped it'd be Ayame, but it was far from the girl. 'Miroku…' Sango mumbled and slammed the door on him.

'What did I do _this_ time?!' he shouted through the door, starting to bang on it again. 'I didn't even touch you, I didn't even _say_ anything!' He groaned and leaned his forehead against the door, muttering something incoherent to himself as he lightly knocked on the door with his fists. He got no answer to his question or no retort to his comments, so he stood up straight and quirked a brow at the door. Slowly, he stopped knocking and lifted one hand and put it on the door knob, twisting it to see if it was unlocked and opened it with a smirk. 'I guess you don't want to know where Aya is,' he said with a shrug.

Sango jumped up from her spot on the couch and looked at Miroku, 'Damnit, I forgot to lock the door.' She groaned when he walked in then her eyes widened with the second thing he said after entering, 'You know where she is?!' Her hand moved quickly to Miroku's shirt and she pulled him close, glaring at him, 'Where is she?! How do you know and not me? Was she smoking?'

Miroku laughed and moved his hand to Sango's butt, rubbing it with a smirk on his face. 'I was just using that to get inside, I knew you'd let me in if I said that.' With that, Sango let go of his shirt collar and brought her hand across Miroku's face, a loud 'smack!' echoing in the silent apartment. He groaned and put his hand to his cheek, wincing at the stinging he was feeling, 'So she really did leave?'

'How could you use that just to get into here; have you no heart?!' Sango shouted at him, pushing Miroku away from her. Her eyes were narrowed into a glare as she looked at him, though the glare faded as she slowly nodded her head. 'Yeah, she's gone… I don't know what I did to make her leave, though… I just asked why she started smoking again…' A sigh escaped slightly parted pale lips as she shook her head, down casting her gaze.

Miroku put a hand on Sango's shoulder and sighed a little as well, 'You might have hit a subject she didn't want to talk about.' He lifted his hand quickly off of her shoulder just incase he was to get slapped again and put his hands back behind his head, wrapping his hair around his finger out of sheer boredom. Unlike Sango, who was in a pair of black shorts and red tank top, which she considered her pajamas, Miroku was fully dressed into a pair of blue jeans that were slightly baggy and a white short sleeved shirt.

There was another knock at the door, which caused both Miroku and Sango to look at it with quirked brows, wondering who else could be coming here. Sango broke out of her thoughts when whoever was at the door started rapping at it again, not stopping this time. She looked at Miroku, thinking it could have been him outside and she had been dreaming until now, but she was wide awake, that was something she was positive about.

'Damnit, Sango, do you really not want me back here?!' Ayame's voice called from the other side of the door as she stopped her pounding. She groaned and turned on her heel back out towards the street, deciding she could stay with Kouga if Sango really didn't care to have her back. _I guess not telling her why I'm smoking again really _did_ piss her off_, Ayame thought as she ran a hand through her hair with a sigh, turning back to look at the apartment door when she heard it get thrown open.

There stood Sango, standing in the door way looking out at the rusty haired girl she had been rooming with since high school had ended and they graduated. 'I never said I didn't want you to be here, Aya, I was just… busy with something…' She glanced towards Miroku as she spoke, ushering him to move out of Ayame's line of sight with her eyes, but it was too late.

Ayame made a kind of screeching sound and ran up to Sango, looking in over her shoulder at Miroku with a smile playing across her face. 'So, _this_ is what you've been busy with, huh?' She laughed and shook her head a bit, never having expected Miroku and Sango to be doing anything while she was gone. 'I understand why you didn't answer the door, no big deal,' another laugh, 'I get it. I'll go.'

While Sango's jaw had dropped and she was gaping wide-eyed at Ayame, Miroku had walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, whispering something into her ear with a big grin on his face. 'Eck, no…!' she said, pushing Miroku away with her foot, giving him a swift kick into his jewels. A grunt was issued from him as he backed up and sat down on the couch, grumbling something to himself about needing to stay away from Sango for a while.

Still staring wide-eyed, Sango finally closed her mouth, deciding it best to talk and put the point Ayame had made to rest, seeing as she didn't enjoy the thought too much. 'Me… and… and _him…_? Are you insane?' To Ayame, Sango didn't like Miroku, not one bit, but she had secretly been in love with him ever since Kouga had introduced the two to each other several years back. 'I'd never do anything with some letch like him!'

One roll of the eyes from Ayame later, she spoke, 'You hurt the poor guy.' She didn't feel sorry for Miroku, oh no, not one bit of sympathy, she just found the matter extremely funny. A shrug rolled off of her shoulders as she pushed her way into the door and jumped onto the counter. 'Sorry about last night,' she mumbled, turning to look at the ground with a sigh. She didn't exactly feel like going into detail about why she was so angry, so she just pulled out her pack of cigarettes and lit one up.

'Not inside the apartment, Ayame!' Sango shouted as she ran and snatched the cigarette away from the girl smoking on the counter. She turned on the faucet and put the cigarette underneath the running water and then down the garbage disposal. 'If you're going to be smoking again, don't do it inside here, you know I hate the smell of that shit. _And_ it makes me sick.' Sighing deeply, she turned out of the kitchen after turning off the water faucet and walked into the living room, sitting down on one of the pillows she had pulled from her room.

Miroku looked up at the two then stood up, wincing in pain as he did so, but soon ignored it as he began walking to the door. 'I think I'll leave you two to talk,' he started, but was soon interrupted as Ayame through something at him, though he wasn't sure what. 'Maybe I won't leave, then,' he said and walked back over to the couch and sat down on it, yawning a little.

'I'm leaving, not you. You two can finish whatever it was you were doing,' she said, hopping off the counter and headed towards the door. 'I'll be back later on tonight, Sango. See you then,' she said and opened the door up again, Sango had closed it, and waved without turning around. She knew her room mate hadn't lied about not doing anything with the short-haired boy, but she felt that if she left them alone, things would work out. It was obvious Miroku was in love with Sango, and vice versa; a little push was sure to make them confess their feelings.

It was several moments of silence later that Sango jumped up from her pillow, ignoring Miroku completely now, and rushed into Ayame's room, going through everything she could find. 'It has to be in here,' she muttered as she opened some dresser drawers, shifting all the clothes and other such things around inside. After ten minutes of looking around the room and in the drawers, her eyes averted towards the bed and mattress and she walked over towards it, lifting the mattress up.

Underneath it was black leather bound book with a velvet ribbon holding it shut. It was just what Sango had been searching for, and she had finally found it. 'There's got to be some reason in here why she started smoking again,' she mumbled to herself, not noticing the footsteps coming up behind her.

**Kat: **Cliff hanger. oo Sort of.


	3. The Journal

'What're you doing?' a voice from behind Sango said as the person put a hand on her shoulder. The voice and hand both made Sango jump up; tossing the black book out of her hands and scream. It was several minutes later when she had finally stopped screaming and calmed down that she turned around to see who it was behind her. It was a wonder she couldn't tell by the voice that it quite obviously wasn't Ayame; it had been a man who had spoken.

'Son of a…' Sango said angrily, glaring at Miroku as she stood up and grabbed the book up off the ground. She looked quickly around the room, hoping everything was in order and how it was before she got in then walked out and into the living room. 'Don't sneak up on me like that! I thought you were Ayame for a minute.' It was a while before Sango fully caught her breath from the screaming and shock she had, but when she did, she just ignored Miroku for several moments.

'Do we really sound that much alike?' he asked with a quirked brow as he sat down beside Sango, looking at the book in her hands. 'Wait, I know how I can sound like her…' he began and cleared his throat, then put on a higher pitched voice. 'Now we do.' He laughed a little and yawned, leaning back against the back of the couch with his hands behind his head. 'What's that for, anyway?' he asked, now using his normal pitched voice.

The boy's question was answered with silence, so he decided not to try bothering Sango again, it might just cause him some more pain and he did _not_ want any more of that. There were mutterings coming from the girl as she argued out loud with herself to see if she really did want to find out what was in the book she was currently holding. What secrets was her best friend hiding from her and what was the reason for picking up the habit of smoking again? 'Well…' she began, inhaling deeply as she slowly began opening the front cover, 'here it goes…'

It wasn't something she had expected to find in a girl like Ayame's journal, not even close to what she was expecting, actually. From how Ayame was during high school (and yes, this was the same journal she had used through her final year of high school), this was _nothing_ like how she had been. Ayame had always had trouble throughout high school, she had been suspended several times and had come one time too close to getting expelled. Detention seemed to have been her life, and the people she hung around with never helped her much to stop those bad habits.

Of all things Sango had seen, something caught her attention most, several splotches of blood seeping through some pages. Their senior year was when Ayame had thrown out the razors she kept in her drawers and in her pockets, and when she had decided there would be no more self mutilation for her part. That habit had died pretty easily, but there had been several times Sango had had to talk the poor rusty-haired girl out of doing anything.

After taking everything in on the first page, some things of which Sango really didn't need to read, she flipped to one of the more recent entries in the back. March fifteenth… April seventh… Sango was getting close, it was June now, and it didn't look like Ayame wrote every day or very often at that. May twenty-seventh… June sixth… There was another entry in June, for the tenth, and it was now the twelfth. Several minutes of debating, once again, with herself, she began to read through the journal entry.

_Damnit… I started smoking again… I know Sango's going to hate me for it, but I couldn't help it… Kouga says I should tell her what happened, but I don't know if I can _or_ how to bring up the subject. What am I going to do? How in all seven hells do you bring up a subject like that to someone who truly despises the whole concept?_

'Someone who despises the whole concept…' Sango said quietly to herself, rereading that line several times before deciding to look away from the black book she held. _Please don't say she started…_ she thought then shook her head. There had been no razors anywhere in the room, so it couldn't be what she was thinking. What else was there that Sango had hated that Ayame knew about?

_I've tried asked Kouga how to bring up the topic, but he's no use when it comes to this, he's never done the shit I have... Besides, guys are just plain useless whenever you try to ask them something… Or maybe it's just Kouga…_

Sango let out a small laugh as she read the last sentence then looked up as Miroku looked over her shoulder. 'Yeah, it's just Kouga,' Miroku said with a laugh, though he had no clue what Ayame was writing about, but neither did Sango. She looked away and turned so that Miroku couldn't read over her shoulder and continued to read through the journal entry.

_There's no way she'll forgive me for…_

There was something scratched out, and no matter how hard one tried, there was absolutely no way that one could figure out what it said. Ayame had always been good at that: Crossing things out in notes so that no one knew who she was talking about except those she was writing to, or what they were talking about. Sango cursed under breath and clenched one of her fists, muttering something about Ayame being too good at hiding things, but kept reading.

_I don't think I should have done it, let alone even consider doing it. Kouga said it was my choice… Load of help he is. On to more important matters… I've stopped drinking less now since I've realized how much damage I've already done to my body. I don't need to kill myself even faster by drinking and driving home. Besides, guys tend to like taking advantage of drunken women, and I would _not _like to be taken advantage of. I'm not some toy, you know? That's really all I've got to say for now…_

That was all? No other hints as to why she had started smoking again? All Sango really had gotten from reading that was Ayame had stopped drinking, started smoking again, which she already knew, and did something Sango didn't like all that much. That wasn't very helpful at all. Everything she had read she figured out on her own.

'In no way was that helpful,' Sango growled to herself, standing up and shutting the book. She walked back into Ayame's room and lifted up the mattress, tucking the book back in the spot where it had been hiding when she found it. 'That gave me no clues as to why she started smoking again,' she mused to herself as she walked out of the room and back into the living room, sighing.

'Just give up on trying to figure it out, then,' came Miroku's voice from behind Sango. 'You might never find out if you try so hard. Give her time and she'll tell you the true reason why she started smoking again.' He shrugged and jumped over the back of the couch and onto the cushion besides her. Sighing, he put his hands back behind his head with a yawn and looked at Sango out of the corner of his eye, deciding, by the look on her face, he'd stay quiet for a while.

Sango inhaled deeply and stood up, grabbing Miroku's hand. She pulled him off the couch and began pushing him towards the door, 'I think it's time that you leave…' Her voice was quiet and it seemed as though she wasn't exactly happy with the raven haired boy being pushed towards the door. She quickly unlocked the door and opened it, shoving Miroku outside. 'I'll see you later,' she said before shutting the door with a loud sigh.


	4. The Truth Comes Out

While Sango had been reading through Ayame's journal, the girl to who which the journal belonged to had been walking down the street towards Kouga's house. She sighed deeply and pulled one of her hands, which were in her pockets, out and ran it nervously through her hair as she thought about the subject Sango was trying to figure out. With a groan and a roll of her emerald coloured eyes, she turned up a sidewalk that led to a small house, the one she was happy to get to because maybe, just maybe, the person living there could help her.

As she came to a stop, she lifted her hand up and put it in a fist then began knocking on the door, stopping after about the fifth knock. She inhaled deeply and pulled out a phone from her back pocket, glancing at the time it read. Seven-thirty in the morning. Of course it was too early for Kouga to be awake, but Ayame was going to wake him up if she had to, she didn't care about him needing sleep at the moment. 'Wake up,' she grumbled to herself as she knocked several more times at the door before remembering she didn't need to knock to get in.

She had been given a key several months ago by Kouga and she seemed to always carry it with her now, just in case events like this happened. Searching through all five pockets in her pants, she pulled out the silver key and looked at it, trying to make sure it wasn't to her apartment; she had made that mistake before and made a fool of herself as well. It was the right one alright. Ayame turned it the right direction and fit it into the keyhole, unlocking the door then turned the key the right way and pulled it out. Success! Okay, maybe it wasn't _that_ big of an accomplishment, but at least the girl hadn't gotten the wrong key again. That was a nightmare.

'Oh, Kouga,' she said as she opened the door and let herself in, giggling quietly as her eyes fell on the curled up ball on the couch. It wasn't too much of a ball seeing as one of the sleeping figure's legs had been thrown over the back of the couch while his other was pulled up to him. Both of his arms seemed to be bent in a way that wasn't normal to most people and looked as though it would hurt, but not for Kouga. Oh no, Kouga was in no way uncomfortable, he was rather comfortable, actually, but that wasn't going to last much longer now that Ayame was in the house.

The young girl slowly crept over towards the couch after quietly shutting the door and put her hands on the arm of it, blinking down at the sleeping boy. 'I don't know how you can do it...' she said quietly then snickered and climbed up over the arm of the couch, planting herself on Kouga's side with a smile. 'No more sleeping for you,' she said excitedly and grabbed hold of his shirt collar, starting to shake him awake. She had been wanting to do that for ages and she had finally gotten the chance to. 'Come on, lazy ass, time to rise and shine!' Blinking down at the still sleeping figure, who had only seemed to look a little more shaken up, she groaned and glared at him. How could you still be sleeping after that?!

Sure Kouga slept like a rock, but it had never occurred to Ayame that he slept so much like a dead corpse, and that the rock comment should be used to describe how intelligent he was. She let go of his shirt collar and watched him, and sighed deeply, wondering how long it'd take for him to get up, but that question was answered as Kouga moved and knocked Ayame onto the floor, making her squeak in surprise. '_Now_ you wake up!' she shouted up at him, shaking her fist as well. Grumbling incoherent curses to herself, she stood up and brushed her clothes off, placing her hands on her hips, and then glared at the previously sleeping male.

Kouga had sat up, and was now rubbing sleep from his eyes, not realizing anyone was in his house since he was still partially asleep. With a yawn, he stood up completely and stretched, then started walking, tumbling over Ayame's foot, yelping in pain as he landed on the coffee table in front of his couch and behind Ayame. 'What the hell?!' he shouted as he stood up, rubbing his head while he tried to figure out what he had left on the floor earlier that day. 'Oh,' a yawn, 'it's just you,' he said as he spotted the frustrated rusty-haired girl impatiently, and angrily, tapping her foot.

He snickered at the look of astonishment he got from Ayame and walked into his kitchen to grab something to wake him up more. 'God, I was just messing,' he said as he looked back over his shoulder, offering a cup of juice to her. He poured himself a glass and put the juice container on the counter and walked back to his couch, tossing himself onto it (Ayame hadn't answered when Kouga offered her a glass of juice, so she got none). 'What brings you to my neck of the woods?' he asked before taking a large gulp from his glass. 'You never come out here; it's always me doing the walking to you. Oh...' A look of realization crossed his face, 'Oh.' This time his 'oh' was drug out more (like when people realize something they should have realized a long time ago), which was followed by a nod.

'You got kicked out of your apartment again?' he asked with a slight laugh, rolling his eyes. 'What'd you do _this_ time?!' A pillow was thrown at the ebony haired male, causing him to drop his glass of juice on the ground while he dove to catch it before everything spilt out; he hated cleaning up stains. Well, truthfully, he hated cleaning anything up, really. 'Now look at what you've made me do!' he shouted as he stood up off the ground and walked, sulking, to the kitchen to get a rag.

Ayame shrugged a little and sat down on an extra chair Kouga always seemed to have around and crossed her legs, watching him. 'You're an ass sometimes, you know? I don't know why I'm still going out with you; a normal girl would have thrown you out to sea after a year of you.' Another shrug rolled off of her shoulders as she continued to follow him around with her gaze, watching as he attempted to get the juice out of the carpet.

'Like you just said,' he looked up as he continued scrubbing the carpet, 'a _normal_ girl would have, you're far from normal. You're like one of those…' he said and sat up straight, pondering the thought he had, wondering how he could put what he was thinking into words that weren't _too_ terribly cruel. 'You're like one of those girls in those rock bands you like so much!' That had a possibility of being an insult, but there was also a chance it wouldn't be, and Kouga was hoping it wouldn't be.

Ayame sighed deeply and shook her head, trying her best not to shout at Kouga, 'Okay… so I'm like a druggie? Thanks a lot.' Most girls in bands she liked were druggies, so hearing Kouga's 'compliment' made her a smidge angry with the guy. 'Maybe I was like them before, but I'm not anymore, Kouga, I quit that shit and you know it.' She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from him, kicking her feet up on the coffee table with a groan.

'Wait, I didn't mean it like that!' he said sadly, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes, which didn't seem to change Ayame's decision to be angry with him. 'I know you quit, Aya, I never said you were still doing that stuff. You don't need to get on my case about something I didn't say.' He sighed and stood up, walking to the kitchen to put his rag up and leaned against the counter, watching his girlfriend uneasily. 'You quit in high school when you quit everything else you did, but you picked it back up recently; don't act like you didn't.'

The rusty haired girl's jaw dropped at Kouga's last sentence. She watched him through wide eyes, wondering how he could have figured that out. 'Wait, how did you find out?! I could have sworn I didn't tell anyone and that I was the only one who knew about that.' She groaned and pulled her knees to her chest, resting her head on them while she hugged them to her. 'I didn't want anyone to find out… I just wanted to see if I had completely gotten over the addiction I had through school.'

'You're really bad at hiding things, though, that's how I found out.' Kouga stood up and ran a hand through his hair as he walked over to Ayame, sitting down besides her. 'Hun, it's all right, don't worry about it. If it's really that big of a deal that I know about it, I'll forget and not know it.' He wrapped an arm around Aya's waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing her on the forehead. 'We can act like nothing happened if that's what you really want…'

'I can't pretend like it never happened, though,' she said, inhaling deeply as she looked up at him. 'Sango knows something's wrong with me to have me smoking again… I never thought that I'd start smoking again because I was fucking around with an old addiction…' She inhaled deeply again then shook her head as she put her head into her arms.


	5. Is She Crying?

'If you can't pretend it never happened, then don't complain. I mean, I enjoy listening to it, but if you're going to complain about something you don't want to, then don't.' Kouga sighed deeply and looked at Ayame, who had remained silent after he had spoken, then groaned and pulled away from her. There had to be a reason for her silence, because she was never quiet after someone said something like that to her; she always had a comeback up her sleeve, why was now any different? 'Ayame… don't tell me you're mad at me. I didn't mean to make you angry with me… I just said what I was thinking.' That was Kouga for you, speaking his mind before even thinking about what he said would do to whoever he was talking to.

With a shake of the head that sent rusty hair into the girl's emerald green eyes, Ayame looked up, tears filling her eyes. 'Kouga…' her voice was calm despite the fact that she was starting to cry, 'why are you such an ass sometimes?!' She grumbled something incoherently under her breath as she buried her head back into her arms, pinching Kouga every time he attempted to comfort her.

Kouga's mouth moved soundlessly as he tried to come up with something to say while he was trying to figure out why he was getting pinched for helping; well, attempting to help. 'What are you pinching me for, bitch?!' he shouted, pulling his arm from around Ayame's shoulder after getting pinched harder than the previous time. 'I hope you know that hurts!' It was several minutes later that Kouga realized he shouldn't have shouted and whimpered slightly as he watched Ayame stand up to leave.

'I'm leaving,' Ayame said coolly as she narrowed her eyes into a glare. She brushed her hair back behind her shoulders and her ears then wiped away her tears, turning on her heel towards the door. 'Please try to be kind next time we talk and don't shout at me or call me a bitch.' For someone like Ayame, this had to be an accomplishment; not yelling at the bastard who had made her angry or killing then. 'If you would like to tell me something,' she inhaled deeply, keeping her calm, 'do it now before I rip change my mind and decide to kill you.'

Eyes widened slightly at Ayame's threat, which was closed quickly and followed by a deep intake of breath. 'Look, I'm sorry. You didn't need to pinch me, I was just trying to comfort you; is it a crime for a guy to help his girlfriend?' Silence followed Kouga's couple of sentences, which he rolled his eyes at and leaned back against his couch, turning away from Ayame. 'I take that as a yes,' he mumbled under his breath, glaring at the ground while he crossed his arms over his chest.

'If I'm your girlfriend and I've just been called a bitch by someone who _promised not to do that again_, then, yes, it is a crime.' She threw open the door and stormed out, leaving it wide open, deciding Kouga could get off his lazy ass if he wanted it shut that badly. 'That son of a bitch…' Ayame growled, clenching her fists and digging her fingers into her palms. 'He doesn't need to fucking say every little thing his thinking!' With every word, she turned and punched one of her clenched fists into the nearest tree, ignoring the pain that shot through her hand every time it made contact with the trunk.

Sango had gone back to searching Ayame's room, not really sure what she was looking for, not really caring at the moment, either. The only thing that was going through her head was that there had to be something other than the journal entry that gave a clue as to why the habit had been started up again. Nothing. Absolutely nothing was helping her. 'Damnit, Ayame, why do you have to hide things from me?!' she shouted to herself as she started opening drawers, shoving clothes, and whatever else was in them, out of the way. She stopped shifting clothes in the bottom drawer of the six drawer wardrobe and looked at what she held in her hands.

'A…joint…?'

There was a sound at the door that made Sango jump up and slam into the nearby wall, panting as she tried to figure out what was making the noise. Scrambling up to her feet, she kicked the drawer shut after dropping the joint into it and ran out of the room, closing the door like it had been when she had first entered. 'Hold on a minute!' she shouted as she tried to collect her bearings before talking to whoever wanted to talk to her.

'Hurry up, Sango, I need to get inside and make a voodoo doll!'

The only person who ever did anything that had to do with voodoo dolls was Ayame, so it looked like she was back home and had forgotten her key. Again. Sango chuckled quietly to herself as she walked to the door and undid the locks, staring at Ayame, whose hand was up to start pounding on the door.

'You look like you just saw a ghost,' Ayame stated as she walked in, shutting the door behind her. 'Are you sick or something?' A hand found its way up to the side of Sango's face, feeling her temperature, then up to her forehead. She quirked a brow when she didn't feel anything hotter than normal about Sango's temperature then shrugged and started towards her room, hoping her room mate hadn't noticed how red her eyes were.

'You just scared me is all, I wasn't expecting you to come home anytime soon,' Sango said, hoping to cover up her lie. She was pretty good at hiding lies, but Ayame was also pretty good at figuring them out. 'If I recall correctly, you said you'd be back later tonight, and it's only been about an hour at most,' she said with a quirked brow.

Ayame watched Sango for several minutes, blinking in confusion until a look of dawning crossed her face, followed by a smirk. 'Where's Miroku at? Oh my goodness, are you hiding him?!' She snickered and started to glance around the apartment living room, shaking her head while she laughed. It was a miracle that Sango hadn't commented about her red eyes, and Ayame was hoping to all things holy that the girl wouldn't notice.

'Aya, don't be dumb, I wouldn't do _anything_ with that pervert!' Sango exclaimed angrily, stomping her feet a little. She stopped when she finally looked Ayame in the eyes, deciding that after her not figuring out the little white lie that was told, it was safe. 'You've been crying, haven't you, Ayame? You never cry, though, unless it's really serious…' Sango paused for a few moments while she watched her friend try to get away without answering the question, though just grabbed her arm and asked her again. 'What happened to make you cry?'

'It's… it's nothing, don't worry about it,' Ayame mumbled as she began to rub her eyes, pulling her arm out of Sango's firm grasp. 'I just… just got into a fight with Kouga is all… Please, just forget about it…' She wasn't one to start begging for another to forget something they say or heard her say, but at the moment she didn't want to talk about what was making her so upset at the moment to anyone, least of all Sango. Besides, if she really wanted to talk about screwing with an old addiction, she'd find the right time to, not when she was being asked why she had been crying.

'Ayame… I'm worried about you… I haven't seen you cry in ages, it's scaring me… The last time you cried was when you cut yourself last summer… Please don't say you did it again…' Sango looked to be extremely distressed about this topic. She had completely forgotten about finding the joint in Ayame's drawer and wasn't going to bring it up even if she did remember.


	6. Figuring It Out

'I threw all of my razors out and you know it!'

'We have knives, though; you could have used those…'

'You know how much I hate using knives, Sango. They don't do anything. I couldn't even make myself bleed when I used them.'

A sigh escaped Sango's slightly parted pale cherry coloured lips as she rolled her eyes at the ground. 'Aya, I worry about you. Don't you understand how much seeing you cry worries me?'

'People cry, darling; am I not allowed to be like other people and cry sometimes?' Groaning, Ayame tossed herself onto the couch and put her hands behind her head, staring at her feet as she proped them on another chair. She quickly ran a hand through her hair and pulled a ponytail off one of her wrists and loosely tied her hair up at the nape of her neck.

'You're not like normal people, though. You're not the usual person who cries when something bad happens; you never cry unless you broke a promise about something that was really important.' Sango walked over to the couch and sat down beside her friend, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulled Ayame into a hug. 'If you want to cry, use me as a shoulder to cry on… you look like you weren't completely done…'

Ayame mumbled something into Sango's shoulder and pulled away, shaking her head quite a bit. 'No, I don't need to cry… I need to make a voodoo doll of that bastard I call a boyfriend.' She cursed him under her breath and glared at the ground.

'What happened between you two _this_ time?'

With a shake of the head, she mumbled something about not wanting to talk about it at the moment, but got a stern look from Sango that showed her room mate knew she was lying. 'We just got into a fight…' Silence followed that statement, making Ayame happy that she hadn't been questioned further just yet. 'It's not that big of a deal; even the perfect couple fights.'

'And the reason for this fight was…?'

'You won't let this drop until you get every last detail, will you?' A shake of the head from Sango was the answer. 'He called me a druggie.' So that was a lie, it wasn't like Sango's find out the truth, so it didn't really matter at the moment. 'Okay, so he _implied_ that I was a druggie, but it's still the same thing.'

There was another bit of silence as Ayame tried to figure out what to say next and Sango tried to find out another question to ask that was too much to answer. She needed something that wouldn't make Ayame angry, and that was going to take a lot of thinking for because Ayame got angry pretty easily when she was upset like this.

'Answer this truthfully, please…' Sango said looking up towards Ayame, who looked a little surprised that Sango had to ask for the truth for the next question. 'Did you cut yourself again?' She grabbed both of Ayame's hands and pushed the bracelets apart to look to see if there were any new cuts or scars. Nothing there. Letting go of her friend's hands, she grabbed one of her legs and pulled it up onto the couch, almost knocking Ayame off in the process. The pant leg was pushed up to the knee so that Sango could see if there were any new scars and cuts on the leg. Nothing again.

Ayame claimed her limbs back and sat up on the couch completely since she had been knocked over when she had her leg wrenched towards Sango. 'No, I haven't started cutting again, but you didn't need my answer to figure it out since you answered the question yourself.' Normally she wouldn't have minded being tossed around because she usually tossed whoever was tossing her around right back; today just wasn't a good day for her.

'Stop touching me!' Ayame shouted, smacking Sango's hand away from her other leg. 'I haven't started cutting again. I haven't picked up a razor since last summer. I haven't done anything that has to do with self mutilation.' She sighed, knowing she was going to regret the next sentence that came out of her mouth.

'Do you want to know why I started smoking again?'

'Yes, Ayame, I want to know.'

'I picked up a couple of joints and started smoking those again.'

Sango stared, dumbstruck, at Ayame, trying to figure out what to say to that. 'Why would you do something as stupid as _that_?! Use your head, woman!' What Sango had said was obviously the wrong thing to say, because it upset Ayame more than she had been moments before.

'I was messing around with an old addiction to see if I was completely free of the hold it had on me. I got too out of control with it and I needed to start smoking something else…' Tears were starting to obscure her vision when she was talking, and she stood up, shaking her head angrily. 'Would you rather me be cutting myself or smoking weed or cigarettes?!' She could no longer hold back her tears, so she let them start pouring down her cheeks.

'I don't want you doing any of those, Ayame. You don't get how much it hurts me to hear that you started with the weed and shit again. How many times do I have to tell you that you're hurting everyone that's close to you with some of your decisions?' Sango sighed and shook her head, standing up to walk over to Ayame, who only took several steps away from her.

'This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you about it…' Ayame grumbled to herself, crossing her arms over her chest. 'I knew you would react like this…' She shook her head, inhaling deeply as she walked to her room.

'I'm… leaving…'

Sango stood there, eyes wide in shock as she watched Ayame's retreating back. Where would she go if she left? She had gotten into a fight with Kouga, so he was out, she obviously wasn't going to be leaving and coming back here; where else was there for her to go? That's when it crossed Sango's mind.

'Ayame, don't you dare try and kill yourself!'

That was the wrong hunch, because Ayame didn't come out of her room with a wrist gushing blood, but a back pack that was obviously filled with her necessities. She ran a hand through her rust coloured hair and looked at Sango, shaking her head sadly. 'I'm going to sign myself up for help… it's what you and everyone else wants, but you all refuse to tell me… I've finally gotten the hint…' She inhaled deeply and tossed her bag over a shoulder, stuffing her hands into her pockets.


	7. Changing Her Mind

'You don't need to leave…' Sango said quietly, her voice cracking as she held back tears. 'We're all here for you. Kouga… me… every single one of your friends are here to help you get through this…' She walked up behind Ayame and pulled her into a tight hug. Against Ayame's will, she kept hugging her, hoping to change her mind somehow. 'No matter how much you think no one wants to help you, and everyone wants you to fail, it's not true.'

Ayame had tensed slightly when she felt Sango's touch, looking at the ground still. She wanted to stay, but there was something inside that said she needed to leave. 'K-Kouga's no help, though…' she stuttered, tightly closing her eyes. 'He said we could just forget about what happened… And he doesn't care I'm smoking again.' Several tears fell down her light coloured cheeks.

'He doesn't care… or have you not told him?'

'He doesn't care. He knows I'm smoking again; I told him. He kind of just waved it off and said we could forget I smoked a few joints.'

The brunette sighed deeply and shook her head. 'He was too worried about the joints. Even if he did say to forget about it, he's really worried about you.' She unwrapped her arms from around Ayame and took a step back. 'I don't really want to seem like a bitch, but you're being really stupid right now.'

'You're not making me feel any better, I hope you know.'

'Before I said you were being dumb,-'

'Stupid.'

'- I was.' She had ignored the rusty-haired girl's interruption. 'You weren't as tense after I started talking.'

Rolling her eyes, Ayame dropped her bag onto the ground and walked to the couch, sitting down. 'You're too good at changing people's minds,' she sighed, kicking her feet onto a near-by chair.

Nervously laughing, Sango rubbed the back of her neck, 'Eheh.' She shrugged and sat down beside her room mate with a smile. 'What can I say? I've had a lot of practice with you.'

'Guess you're right, but I still think I need to go to rehab or something like that,' she said, putting her hands behind her head with a sigh. Taking one of her hands from behind her head, she ran it through her hair, pushing her bangs back behind her ears with another sigh. There was something that kept coming into her mind that refused to leave her alone, and it was starting to bother her. All the times before when she had been using drugs she always went to rehab, when she was cutting, she went to a doctor, but why wouldn't Sango let her leave now?

Actually, it had been Sango who convinced Ayame to go to the rehab sessions, to go to the doctor, to do everything that was going to make her better. Oh, well, it was alright because Ayame didn't really want to go back to any of those places again, she only decided to go because she thought she'd get forced to by her room mate.

'Do you really want to go back there?' Sango asked, glancing at Ayame out of the corner of her eye. The only reason she wasn't forcing the girl to go was because last time she had, she had been hated and given the silent treatment. 'You said you were going crazy having to deal with that crap all the time with them breathing down your back every time they saw you. Besides, I'll be here to throw away all your cigarettes and drugs,' she said happily, holding up a peace sign.

'We're going to be getting a lot of gum again, then!' Ayame said, laughing a little at Sango as she pulled out of her box of cigarettes and tossed them to her. She had been extremely surprised when she had tossed the pack of cigarettes to Sango, because, if she remembered correctly, the last time she was quitting, Sango had to get them while Ayame had been sleeping. Not only did Ayame's cigarettes disappear, but so did her driver's license since that was what proved she was old enough to buy the damn things.

'No, to prove I'm going to quit, I'll do this,' Ayame said, taking the pack of cigarettes from Sango as she walked into the kitchen. 'We have a blender, right?' Despite the fact that she lived in the house, she didn't know what kitchen appliances they had and didn't have; she never really cooked.

'What do you need a blender for?' Sango asked as she stood up, walking to the kitchen to find their blender. After several minutes of searching, she pulled out the said appliance and put it on the counter for Ayame, plugging it in. She was extremely confused as to why a blender was necessary for throwing away cigarettes.

Ayame grinned and set the pack of cigarettes on the counter, grabbing a cup and filled it with water. She poured the water into the blender, then opened the top of the box and poured all the unsmoked cigarettes into the water and put the top on the blender. 'This is why,' she said as she pressed the 'blend' button, watching the now soggy cigarettes slowly getting ground into nothing.

'You have some strange thoughts,' Sango said, laughing as she watched the remnants of cigarettes spin around in the blender. She walked over to the power outlet and pulled the plug to the blender out, causing it to turn off from lack of power. 'There's no more to grind up, I hope you know, so you can stop now. Besides, that noise was starting to get on my nerves.'

The rusty-haired girl bit her lower lip, laughing a little as she began rubbing the back of her neck. 'Sorry, I got a little carried away. You know how I am with stuff like this.'

Ayame was always getting carried away when she was destroying something, such as the cigarettes. She had once been burning one of her old journals and had started burning several other books she owned and wanted to get rid of. It was the next day she realized she needed some of those books for class.


	8. June 12

Ayame sighed as she picked the blender up and walked to the kitchen sink, pouring out the liquefied cigarettes. She groaned a little and cleaned out the blender, and put it on the drying rack afterwards since she didn't feel like drying it at the moment. 'I'm going to go into my room for a while, write on my walls that I can't buy cigarettes… or something like that…' With a yawn, she put her hands into the pockets of her pants, which reminded her that she needed to change clothes and do the laundry, and walked into her room, waving to Sango before going out of sight.

Sango nodded, and then called after Ayame, 'I'm going to the store, then. Yeah, I'll get you some gum.' She decided to answer the question that she knew was going to come before it was asked, and walked into her room to change into clothes decent for going outside in. Several minutes later, she came out in a pair of faded blue jeans, a black shirt with words written on it that were so faded, you couldn't read it, and a jacket. 'See you later,' she said as she walked out the door and closed it behind her.

The only girl left in the house sat down on her bed for several minutes, trying to remember where she put her white board markers; she needed them so she could write on her mirror. Sighing, she stood up and walked to the desk in the corner of her room and started sifting through the papers and all the other stuff on it, not realizing how much crap she really did have. 'Oh, where are they?' she groaned, now starting to throw the papers off the desk angrily.

After going through everything on her desk, Ayame groaned and sat back down on her bed, putting her chin in the palm of her right hand. That was usually the only place she put her pens, but for some reason, her markers weren't there, and it was starting to bother her that she couldn't find anything. 'Maybe I _do_ need to clean my room…' she mused, shrugging as she took a look around it.

The room did need a good cleaning, and the laundry probably needed to be done, too, because her clothes were tossed all over the place. Her floor wasn't visible unless someone would actually take the time to dig through all the clothes, papers, bags, and other such things that Ayame had forgotten she had. There were some cups on her dresser, desk, and bedside table, along with several empty plates that looked as though nothing had been put on them before.

And, on one of those many plates, were Ayame's white board markers. 'There you are!' she exclaimed and jumped up, grabbing them as she ran to her mirror. She pulled the cap off of her black marker and started writing on her board, a little messily, 'no more cigarettes for you'. After she finished writing that, she capped her marker, tossed it behind her head, and pulled the cap off of a pink marker, underlining the sentence more times than necessary.

She had been amused for a minute while writing on her mirror, and now she was bored again and had finished what she had come into her room for. What was there to do now? With a shrug, she lifted her mattress up and pulled out her black journal and flipped through it, skimming several pages as she went to the last page that was written on.

_I've cut myself again… It doesn't hurt, though…I hate rehab and Sango for making me go… I picked up a few extra joints after school today…_

Okay, that was enough rereading her past, because it made Ayame angry when she read through some of what she had written. Plus, some things she did want to read were too illegible, or something had spilled onto a page and seeped through, like her blood. She groaned a little and finally came to the last page with writing and reread it, sighing a little bit as she did so. For some reason, it felt so unreal that she had done what she did, but it was real, and it made her want to do something to make it not.

_June 12_

_I probably got the date wrong, because I haven't looked at a calendar for a while… Oh, well._

_I'm giving up my smoking again, but this time I don't have to go to rehab, for the drugs, I mean, since Sango actually listened to me when I was complaining the first time I went. I was planning on going, though, because I thought that's what she wanted me to do seeing as she made me go before, but I was wrong. Let's see how long I can last time, shall we? So far it's been probably an hour or so since my last cigarette, so I have a long way to go to beat my previous record._

_Another fight with Kouga, but that's nothing new since we always fight. Sango says he's just worried about me and doesn't know how else to show his worry other than saying we can forget about what happened, but I don't know. I didn't think Kouga was the type to worry about anyone but himself since that's normally all he shows his care for. Dumb bastard…_

_I wish I could only worry about myself sometimes, because then I wouldn't have to think about what to do to help people when they're hurt or need help. I'm not all that good at giving help and advice, but people say I help them when I try even though I don't see how I could possibly help them. The only problem with only caring about myself, I think, is that others would probably think I'm a bitch, plus Sango and Kagome probably would know there's something wrong to make me like that._

_Speaking of Kagome, I haven't spoken to her or InuYasha for a while, and I don't think Sango's heard from either of them as well. They've probably gotten married like I told them to do when we were in high school. Or maybe they've just been busy with classes and stuff, which I should probably start attending again… Who knows what's going on with those two; I know I'll never find out._

_I think the old gang should go out later tonight, so I can tell them I'm quitting everything for good, and then we can party! I guess I could drink some tonight, not like any of them would let me get too drunk and go home with one of the normals at the bar. Yeah, I'll set up a little get together while Sango's at the store._

Ayame closed the book with a slight sigh and tucked it under her mattress again, standing up and heading to the kitchen. It was such a hassle when you wanted to call someone because the only phone in the house was in the kitchen, such a long way from her room. Well, it wasn't that far away, she just felt like complaining about that whenever she needed to use the phone.

She picked up the receiver and dialed the first number that came to mind: Kagome's. The phone rang twice before someone picked it up.

'Hello?' It was a male's voice, which made Ayame jump a little when she realized who it was.

'InuYasha, what are you doing answering Kagome's phone?!' she shouted, pushing herself onto the counter as she waited for his response.

'We live together now, remember?' he said, already bored with where the conversation was going.

'Oh, yeah… I forgot,' she said, laughing nervously and rubbing the back of her neck. 'Anyway… Do you two have anything planned for this evening?'

'I don't, not sure about Kagome, though.'

'Well, put her on the phone, then! You're such a dumb ass sometimes, InuYasha. It makes me sad.'

There was silence from the other line and InuYasha shouting for Kagome to come get the phone because that crazy friend of hers was calling, then came Kagome's voice.

'Hey, Ayame,' she said, laughing a little as she shushed InuYasha's cries of not wanting to go out with Ayame because she was insane.

'Tell him to shut up and that I'm not completely insane. Oh, and, are you doing anything tonight? I was thinking we should get together with the group from high school because we haven't done that for a while.'

Kagome paused and thought about her schedule for a minute, 'That sounds good to me! Where should we meet up at, then?'

'That club we always went to at eight, and then we'll decide what to do afterwards, alright?' Kagome agreed then the two hung up, with Ayame picking the phone up again and dialing Kouga's number.

'We're meeting up at our old hangout club at eight tonight,' she said before Kouga even had the chance to say hello. 'It'll be Sango, InuYasha, Kagome, you, me, and hopefully Miroku.'

'Uhm… Okay…?' Kouga said, his voice have a hint of confusion in it. 'I'll see you all there, then.' He hung up.

It was obvious to Ayame that Kouga still seemed to be a little aggravated with her about pinching him and storming out of his house, but she didn't care at the moment. She was too happy about hanging out with everyone to care at the moment.

One last phone call to make and that was to Miroku. She hung up the phone and picked it up again, dialing Miroku's house number, sighing when the answering machine picked up. Of course he didn't answer, he never answered his phone, and that was kind of annoying at times.

'Miroku, meet at our old high school hang out at eight tonight. The old gang will be back together for the night. If you miss, Sango will hate you. Hearts,' then she hung up.


	9. Meeting Again

About an hour after Ayame had gotten off the phone, Sango had come home with two bags of groceries (that threw Ayame off). 'I got you your gum,' Sango said, pulling a smaller bag out of one of the larger ones. She tossed the bag to the other girl and walked into the kitchen and began to put the groceries away. 'Why do you keep staring at me?' she asked, looking over her should at Ayame.

'You were gone an hour and a half and you barely bought anything…' Ayame's voice seemed more curious than it usually did; she probably thought Sango had done something other than go to the store. 'Did you meet up with Miroku?!'

Sango rolled her eyes and tossed the bags into the trash can when they were emptied, ignoring Ayame's last question. 'I stopped to get something to eat, is there something wrong with that?' She rolled her eyes again and went the refrigerator, opening it to get something to drink.

'Alright, sure,' Ayame said, snickering a little as she sat down on the kitchen table, yawning a little. 'I decided we're going out tonight; we're going to meet everyone at the old club we went to through high school.' She nodded a little and ran a hand through her hair, turning her gaze from Sango to the ceiling with a sigh.

Sango nodded, trying to figure out who 'everyone' was. The only time they had used everyone was when they were talking about the high school gang. _Oh, maybe that's what she was talking about_, Sango thought. 'Alright, what time, then?' she asked, even though she probably knew the answer already. The only time Ayame ever used when getting together with people was eight, no matter what. 'No, don't answer that, I know what you'll say,' she said and started towards the bathroom.

A couple hours later, both girls had showered, were dressed and were just finishing up with brushing their hair. Ayame had let Sango borrow one of her skirts since she was planning on dragging everyone to some sort of party or rave. Sango's outfit was a black and purple skirt, the purple being the thread and a star that was on the left bottom corner of the skirt, and a light purple strapless top which laced up the sides. She wore a pair of black boots that were her own, the shirt was her own as well, and no stockings or anything like that.

Ayame was wearing a black skirt that had pink thread and was open at the sides, though it had pink ribbons that pulled it together. Her shirt was a black spaghetti strap with pink thread (she obviously liked pink), and a pair of boots kind of like Sango's, but not really, and a pair of black fishnet stockings. For this, she had pulled her hair up into a ponytail with her bangs out and framing her face like they usually were, unlike Sango, who had kept her hair down and tucked her bangs behind her ears.

'Are we ready to go?' Ayame asked as she looked over at Sango and tossed her brush onto the couch before heading out the door. There was no need to ask the question since Sango had walked out with her when she was asking.

After Sango locked the door, both started down the street towards town and the old bar they used to go to. Ayame was the only one who still needed a fake ID, being only twenty and everyone else being twenty-one and up, so she had to make sure she had it before they left.

The thing with Ayame's fake ID, was that it was actually her in the picture, and everything about her was correct, except for the birthday, so no one really ever doubted it was fake. She groaned and kicked the ground as she put her hands back behind her neck and yawned a little, watching the sky now. There was something far off about the way she looked at the moment, like she wasn't completely there and was partially in her mind thinking about who knew what.

'Snap out of it, Ayame,' Sango said, pushing her friend a little after no response when she had spoken. After several moments of waving her hand in front of the rusty-haired girl's face, she finally got her attention and rolled her eyes. 'We're here and we've been here for a while. Why do you always go into one of those trances when we're walking?'

A shrug rolled off Ayame's shoulders as she looked around. Kouga was standing off to the side with his arms crossed over his chest and leaning against the wall of the club; Kagome and InuYasha were nearby him and talking to each other, laughing on occasion; and Miroku was coming down the street towards everyone else. Her plan had been a success, everyone had come and they were going to go back to partying like they used to; well, that was if no one asked Ayame why she decided to stop smoking.

Miroku looked up when he came near everyone and smiled, saying hello to each of them in turn, then turned to Ayame and Sango (they were standing next to each other, and if they weren't, he's only be looking to Sango). 'What's the occasion?' he asked, looking towards Ayame since she had been the one to call and threaten him.

'Well,' she said, clearing her throat as she looked to the other three who had spaced themselves from everyone else. She motioned them over with her eyes and smiled a bit, 'I decided to quit smoking, and I thought we needed to get together again. You know, friends do that; get together and hang out. That's really all,' she said and shrugged and handed her ID to the bouncer, who let her in.

Everyone gathered just by the door and made sure they were all there, then looked to find a table that fit six people, and quickly found one just as a group were getting up to leave. They all sat down, Kagome by InuYasha, Sango by Miroku, and Ayame somewhat by Kouga, though more spaced than everyone else were. To everyone except Sango, Ayame and Kouga not cuddling like they tended to do when out at a bar, this was strange, but no one had the balls to ask what was going on.

'So… er… Ayame, why'd you decide to quit smoking?' Kagome asked, biting her lower lip after asking the question and shifted her gaze from Kouga and Ayame to just Ayame. 'I mean, I know you tried before and started again,' obviously that had gotten around pretty quickly, 'and now you're going to quit again. What's driving you this time?'

A shrug rolled off of Ayame's shoulders as she thought about how to answer the question and sighed a little. 'Well, I guess I just felt it's time I need to quit. You know how long I've been smoking. Plus, I'm tired of this thing,' she pointed to Sango with a slight laugh, 'getting onto me about smoking "too much".' She put her hands behind her head and looked up at the strobe lights with a yawn, hoping no one else would ask her too many questions.

InuYasha made a silent 'keh' and rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest, mumbling something about Ayame probably lying, but only got hit by Kagome who told him to be quiet. There were a few exchanged whispers than InuYasha saying 'keh' again and leaning back in his chair to remain silent for a while.

'I'm going to go get some drinks,' Kouga mumbled and pushed his chair back, standing up. 'I know what you all like,' he said and turned and walked towards the bar, sighing deeply as he left. He finished his walk to the bar and ordered the drinks, but when he got them, he didn't make a move to get up and walk back to everyone.

Sango didn't say anything because she knew the reason Kouga didn't come back, but Kagome was interested in the reason. Kagome leaned across the table towards Ayame, 'What happened between you two?'

Ayame groaned and put her head into her hands, propping her elbows on the table as she sighed and looked at the table. She didn't really know what was going on between her and Kouga anymore, and she wasn't really sure why he wasn't speaking to her at the moment. She shrugged a little, 'We got into an argument, but I never thought it was this big of a deal. I mean… sure I got mad at him and stormed out of his house… but it didn't occur that he'd hate me afterwards.'

Kagome nodded and sat back completely in her seat and looked at InuYasha, 'Go help Kouga with those drinks and bring him back here.' She pushed InuYasha up and watched him leave towards the bar. 'Maybe he thinks you're made at him. You were the one who moved your chair away from him when we walked in, and you didn't say anything to him when you saw him earlier.'


	10. Breaking It Off

Kagome took a deep breath, knowing she was probably going to regret asking what she was thinking. 'You never really explained to any of us why you did all that stuff in high school…' Her voice trailed off and she bit her lip as she glanced at the table. She looked up slowly, surprised to see Ayame still at the table.

'So, you want to know why I was like that?' Ayame asked, not looking to anyone or anything but her hands. 'You want me to relive my high school years?'

There was silence between the three girls and Miroku, then the sound of glasses hitting the table. So the two boys had decided to come back, or so everyone thought, but only Kouga stood there. InuYasha, on the other hand, had gotten dragged into the crowd by a mob, and now he was attempting to get out.

'Get off!' he shouted then came storming through the crowd towards the rest of the group. It didn't look like tonight was going to be the fun-filled night Ayame had been expecting.

After getting over the moment of anger and surprise, the raven haired girl spoke again. 'Well, you don't have to _relive_ it, so to speak. Just… explain why you did everything.' A moment of awkward silence passed, then several sighs going around the table.

'She'll never tell you, Kagome,' Kouga said as he sat down in his seat. 'If she can barely tell Sango and me, she'll never be able to tell you.' He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest in a manner like he had ended the conversation. Not only did he think that, he just didn't want to have every little detail of what happened said again; he didn't enjoy hearing that.

Ayame narrowed her emerald green eyes into a glare then turned away from the long-haired male. Just to spite him, she decided she would attempt to try and talk about her high school years. 'You know what, Kouga? You don't have to be such an ass all the time,' she snapped, angrily crossing her arms over her chest. If she could find the words to describe what had been making her want to ruin her life, she would have begun explaining, but she couldn't find the right words.

The raven-haired male rolled his eyes and stood up, pushing his chair back as he glanced around the table. 'Well, I'm going to go find something to do other than sit her and watch her,' he jabbed his thumb towards Ayame, 'figure out whether to talk or not.' With that said, he stood up and walked back to the bar, ordering himself a shot of tequila, and then went out to dance with someone.

When Kouga left, he left Ayame fuming, her face pink with anger and her fists clenched on the table. 'Oh, that boy…' she mumbled and hit her fist onto the table angrily. She then sat up straight, crossed her left leg over her right, and leaned back in her chair, looking up at the ceiling, the pink fading in her cheeks. 'I won't let that get to me; I'm not going to freak out because he wants someone else to be with.'

Kagome bit her lip as she watched Ayame, and then glanced at InuYasha out of the corner of her eye, motioning him to go talk to Kouga. As InuYasha got up and left, Kagome looked back to Ayame, who now had Sango by her side. 'Don't worry about him; he's just irritated is all. He'll calm down soon enough, just have a good time. You don't need him to have fun, do you?' She watched Ayame looked up from the table to her and nod, which caused Kagome to smile. 'Then go have some fun.'

Sango stood up and grabbed Miroku's arm and looked at Ayame, 'We're going to go out and dance for a while. Come and join us when you want to, alright?' She turned and walked out to find an empty space for her and Miroku to dance in.

'I can't go have fun with someone else, Kagome,' Ayame sighed and put her head into her hands, groaning somewhat. 'He'll come and be all possessive like he always is, even if is mad at me. Maybe it's time I break it off with him for a break… I mean, it could be that we've been together too long and we're starting to get sick of each other.' A shrug rolled off her shoulders as she looked up from the table to ebony haired girl.

Kagome sat, dumbstruck, watching Ayame, unable to believe that Ayame was thinking of breaking up with Kouga. 'Ayame, but you guys have been together forever. He helped you through all those hard times in high school; he was always there for you. You want to give him up and try and find someone else who might not even care anything about you?' She stopped and shook her head a little, inhaling deeply as she tried to think of something to say now. 'Why would you do that?'

The only answer Kagome got was silence then a slight whimper from Ayame as she buried her head into her arms on the table. There was more silence that followed for several minutes and then Ayame mumbled something into her that was inaudible. 'I know what you mean, but I don't know what to do. He's so angry with me and I don't even know what I did. If I asked him why he was angry with me, he'd probably just think I was an idiot and walk away…'

'You should talk to him and sort out your differences. If you two break up, you'll be miserable because he's the only guy you've ever really been with,' Kagome said, getting Ayame to actually look up at her now. 'You won't talk to him again for a while, and you'll probably decide you made a bad decision. You can't let him get away from you; you know how many of the girls at school want him.'

Ayame gave her a rather nasty look, but shrugged a little, and rested her elbows on the table with her head in her hands. 'You're probably right, but I don't think it's working out right now…' She sighed deeply and shook her head, nervously chewing on her bottom lip. 'I don't want to break up with him and never get back; I just think it'd be best if we have a break from each other. You know, just go our separate ways for a while, and if we decide we weren't meant to be, then break it off completely then.'

Silence settled between the two, which caused Ayame to look back towards the table sadly, and Kagome to look up nervously to see if InuYasha and Kouga were anywhere near each other and talking. 'If you think that's what you two need, then go with it. I don't want to make you stay with him if you don't love him anymore; I just wanted you to think your choice through completely is all. You _are_ sure you want to do this, right?'

The rusty haired girl nodded, and then pushed back her bangs so they weren't in her face any longer, and so that she could see. 'Yeah… I think this is for the best. I'll leave him alone for a few days and see if I really need him to survive, and if we both need each other, I'll let him mark me as his own.'

Kagome squealed happily at Ayame's last sentence, 'Oh, Ayame, that's so romantic! You did actually want to be marked the last time he asked you, didn't you!' She jumped up which caused her chair to fall back and hit the ground with a 'clang' which, in turn, caused Kagome to shriek in surprise and fear. A blush crept across her nose and onto her cheeks when she realized what happened and quickly picked the chair up, sitting down in it.

'You're a klutz,' Ayame laughed at Kagome, who was still turning a darker red with every passing moment. 'It's not really that I didn't want him to, I was just afraid of how much it would hurt, but I've gotten over that now, and I don't care how much it hurts.' She shrugged a little and looked up when she heard InuYasha and Kouga's voices getting closer to them. 'Well, I guess this is it, huh?' she asked Kagome, nervously biting her lip again.

Kagome nodded and stood up, making sure not to knock her chair down again, and grabbed InuYasha's arm, dragging him away from Kouga and Ayame so the two wolf demons could talk. 'No, you can't talk to him anymore,' she stated, looking up at InuYasha with a raised eyebrow.

Kouga was the first to speak since Ayame was too afraid to say anything and was too busy looking at her hands. 'Why do have to get InuYasha to ask why I'm mad at you?' he asked, eyeing her curiously.

The question made Ayame jump in surprise, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open. 'I didn't tell him to ask you! Kagome made him go and talk to you! I wouldn't have had that mutt go ask you why even if he was the last person alive.' She glared at him for assuming such a thing, and crossed her arms over her chest angrily, mumbling incoherent curses under her breath. 'How could you think that!'

Kouga's jaw dropped at her outburst, which he quickly closed, and groaned when she seemed to go on forever. 'I know you didn't send him over, he told me that it was Kagome's idea. God, woman, you need to chill out some.' He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair, still watching Ayame out of the corner of one of his eyes. 'You can't even tell when I'm joking around with you anymore?'

Her mouth opened, then closed, and opened again, as she tried to think of something to say, but nothing came to mind. 'I… er… well, I…' she managed to get out although that was it, which made Ayame angry with herself. 'S-sorry…' she said, her voice soft as she looked down from Kouga to the table sadly. 'I'm just really irritable right now is all; just ignore what I said…'

Kouga shook his head and hooked a finger under Ayame's jaw, making her look back up to him. 'So, what do you want?' he asked, pulling his finger away when she was looking up at him.

'What?' she asked, taken aback by his question. She had been expecting something romantic or an apology, not him asking what she wanted him for. 'That's it? No confession of how it was all your fault we got into this fight; just you asking what I wanted? Nothing romantic or anything like that?' she asked, her voice showing confusion in it as she spoke. 'So, the whole point of this conversation is to find out what I wanted? Do you want to know why I want to talk to you?'

Kouga groaned and rolled his eyes at Ayame as he yawned a little, out of boredom. 'Something… romantic…?' he asked, quirking a brow at her. 'No, nothing like what you said; I just want to know what you wanted with me, I was busy back there, you know.' He sighed deeply and looked around the club, then back to Ayame, who was just sitting in front of him in silence.

'I think we need a break.'


	11. Confessions

'I think we need a break.'

'A… break…?' Kouga asked, his eyebrows rising in confusion with every word he spoke to her now. 'What do you mean we need a break?' He was confused as hell and didn't understand why Ayame would ever want to break up with him; she had said after high school and they started college she wanted to stay with him forever. Now she was saying she didn't want to be with him, but wasn't giving any reason for it, and Kouga hated her for not explaining why. It wasn't that he wanted them to break up, because he didn't, but he was just irritated right now, that was the only reason as to why he was being so distant from her.

Ayame nodded her head a little, sending bits of hair into her emerald eyes that were locked onto Kouga's ocean blue ones. 'I think it's best if we see other people for a while because I don't think our relationship is working out right. I love you, Kouga, and I always will, I just think I need to see if I _need_ you in order to live my life.' She sighed and shook her head some, putting one of her small hands on Kouga's much larger one, looking down at them sadly. 'If I can't live without you, and I go crazy, I'll let you take me as yours. Forever. I really don't want to do this, but you seem to be distancing yourself from me, and I can't help but think it's all my fault.' Another sigh escaped her slightly parted lips as she looked back up into Kouga's shocked face, biting her lip nervously as she pulled her hand away from his.

He stayed silent for several minutes as he watched the rusty-haired girl in front of him, trying to figure out what had just happened and if he was dreaming or not. 'Y-you're serious about this?' he stuttered, staring glassy-eyed at Ayame as he shook his head somewhat, mentally kicking himself for his stupid mistakes. 'Ayame, you know I'm like that- distancing myself- and I don't want you to do this to me… I won't be able to live without you there. I _need_ you even if you don't need me.' Kouga shook his head and pushed his seat back, standing up as he did so, and looked down at her, biting his lip. No matter how much he had wanted to keep that last thing he said to himself, he felt that now was the best time to prove how much he really loved her.

'Kouga… please don't make this any harder on me… I don't want to do this, I really don't, but I think it's for the best…' Ayame said, her voice cracking with every word as she tried her hardest to keep from crying. She watched him stand up and whimpered as she shook her head and looked down at the table, resting her head in the palms of her hands, eyes covered with her palms. 'I-if we keep away from each other for a while, it'll make me figure out if you're really the person I need in my life. I-I don't want to do this…-'

'Than why do it!' Kouga snarled angrily, glaring at Ayame, though stepped backwards when he heard her whimper several times. He hadn't meant to be so hateful, but his anger had gotten the best of him; he had confessed that he needed her, but she still wanted to take this damn break and wouldn't think otherwise. 'Look, if you really want to do it, go ahead and do it. If you think it's for the best and, in time, will help us, then go ahead and do it, but I don't want to be forgotten about. I'll wait forever for you to come back to me if I have to, just as long as I know you'll keep me in your heart and mind.' He paused and sat back down, this time beside Ayame, and pulled her into a hug, trying to quiet her sobs and whimpers.

'I think it will help us,' she said into his arms as she closed her eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears she was forcing back from falling. 'I think that it'll make us appreciate each other more and realize how much we mean to each other when we're gone. It's not that…' she stopped and sighed deeply, shrugging her shoulders a little. 'There's no way I could forget you, Kouga, you're one of a kind, and you're the only person I think I could really love.' She sat up straight and looked at him, pulling away from his arms a little so she could look into his eyes better. 'If it doesn't help… I don't know what I'll do…'

Kouga nodded and pulled completely away from her, standing up again as he sighed a little, 'Alright. If you think it's going to help, it's got to be the right thing then.' He looked around, then over to Sango and Miroku, who were shouting at each other and starting to come over to them. 'I'm going to go back over there,' he jabbed his thumb in the direction he came from, 'because, like you said, we should probably stay from each other for a while.' He waved and then started back in the direction in which he came from, looking over his shoulder one last time at Ayame.

'I thought you weren't going to pull anything!' Sango shouted at Miroku, who was holding his cheek with a large grin on his face. Sango, on the other hand, had her fists clenched, along with her teeth, and was glaring at the ground as she stomped over to Ayame. 'I don't know why I even bother with you, Miroku, you're just a letch,' she said angrily, tossing herself into a seat as she crossed her arms over her chest.

A shrug rolled off Miroku's shoulders as he laughed, watching Sango with a grin playing across his face. 'I never promised I wouldn't do anything, so I didn't do anything against your rules,' he said, snickering a little. 'Besides, you know you loved it.' He took the hint as Sango pulled back to slap him again and stood up, walking after Kouga while he laughed still.

Sango rolled her eyes at Miroku's retreating back then looked to Ayame, raising an eyebrow at her, 'So, what happened?' That was probably going to be a bad subject to touch, but Ayame's reaction to the question wasn't as bad as Sango had expected it to be. 'Er… you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I was just curious,' she said with a slight shrug.

'We broke up,' Ayame said simply, shrugging a little as she yawned and stood up, stretching. 'It's only temporary unless we decide, mutually of course, that it's best if we remain apart.' She pushed some of her bangs back out of her eyes, watching Sango's reaction of shock change to interest. 'Look, I don't want to go over the whole conversation right now. I'm going to head home; I'm kind of tired now. Tell everyone I said bye and I'll see them again soon, alright?'

As Sango nodded, Ayame waved to her room mate and then turned and walked to the door, pushing through several people. She looked around the room quickly, spotted Kouga, and sighed sadly, shaking her head as she finished her trek out of the club. Ayame groaned and shook her head, turning to look at the ground as she walked, trying to figure out if she made the right decision. All of a sudden, she really wanted a cigarette, but after searching through her pockets, realized she had blended them all.

'Damnit,' she mumbled, walking up to her and Sango's apartment, opening the door and walking in with a groan. She walked into her room, changed out of her rave outfit and into a pair of flannel, checkered pajama pants and an overly large high school physical education shirt that had once belonged to Kouga. When she finished changing, she walked out into the living room where the TV was and turned it on, curling up on the couch, holding one of her pillows tightly to her chest.


	12. Fearing The Past

It wasn't long before Ayame's eyes shut and she fell asleep, tightly holding onto her pillow. Her dream was something and didn't want to see again; it was something she had been running from since high school and had hoped to forget about. Another haunting dream of what she had wished to never relive, but now it was back, just as real as if it was happening again. The only difference was that Ayame wasn't looking in from first person, but from a third person view, like someone watching from a distance.

There was a rather small group of people gathered around something in the middle; there were several male laughs and then female giggling as they stumbled backwards several steps. In the middle of the group was a girl with rusty brown hair that was up in a ponytail. She was on her knees with a rolled up dollar bill and a small pile of white powder on a binder; she stood up, rubbing her nose, and then sat back down. Groaning, she looked around the group of people who had started to walk away and shook her head.

Silent whispers were exchanged between the group of people as they walked off in the opposite direction of their classes. 'She's going to be leaving us soon,' a male said as he looked over his shoulder at the girl sitting on the ground and leaning against a wall. 'We should give Ayame a decent goodbye, though…' With that, he turned around and headed back to the girl slowly.

Ayame looked up when she heard footsteps and sighed deeply, shaking her head. 'I can't do it anymore…' she muttered as she bit her lip, looking down to the ground with another sigh. 'He doesn't want me to do this anymore, and I understand why now that he's explained it to me… Just go and forget about me; I know you guys don't want me around now…'

The guy sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around Ayame, pulling her into a tight hug. 'You don't need to do drugs to hang out with them; they'll let you remain sober if you chose to be.' He let her go when she tensed up and pulled away some and bit his lip, trying to think of something to say. 'I still hang out with them and I'm sober, aren't I?' he asked, raising an eyebrow as he watched her.

'I know,' she groaned, hugging her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them with a sigh. 'Still… if I keep on going with you guys, I'll feel like I need to keep on snorting and smoking, you know? Besides, I'm getting tired of being near that son of a bitch ex-boyfriend of mine.' She pushed herself up off the ground and looked at the boy sitting on the ground, waving to him. 'I'll see you later, okay?'

'You never were too good with peer pressure, were you?'

Ayame sat bolt upright and looked around the apartment, her eyes scanning the dark corners and the entire area uneasily. 'That was too real…' she mumbled and wiped the sweat off her brow with a groan. She was tired as hell, but she didn't want to try and fall back asleep in case another old memory haunted her while she slept. Mumbling something to herself, she looked at the clock and rolled her eyes, hugging her knees to her chest as she dropped the pillow onto the couch. Her chin rested on her knees as she looked at the TV which was now playing some movie that she had never seen before, but found rather boring.

She ran a hand through her hair and pushed her bangs back behind her ears with a sigh, pinking the controller up as she began to flip through the channels, hoping to find something that would interest her. Nothing. There was nothing on to watch except maybe some educational channel, but Ayame knew she'd fall asleep during that; maybe she could go find something to keep her awake. It wasn't long before Ayame had laid back on the couch, hugging the pillow to her chest once again as she began drifting off to sleep with hopefully no dreams, or one that didn't have herself from high school in it.

This time, Ayame's dream was a lot worse, in her mind, than the one that she had previously woken up from. It was in first person this time, and in her view at the moment was a hand reaching out to grab a box cutter out of a drawer. The view was quickly shifted from the drawer to around the kitchen, quickly to the ground as the whole body of the person turned and ran to the bathroom. There was the sound of a door slamming, then several panting breaths as the person pulled up the knife and looked at it, sliding to the bottom of the door.

The knife was then moved towards a now outstretched wrist and was slowly pushed into the skin, causing a few droplets of blood to form around where the blade was being pressed into. There was a slight shift in where the person was looking to, and was now looking into the standing mirror in front of her. Ayame sat there, with her knees pulled up, the box cutter digging into her wrist, with her teeth digging nervously into her lower lip as she tried to figure out her final decision.

She gave herself silent agreement then looked down to her wrist and dragged the blade across it, ripping deep into the flesh as it passed, leaving a trail of blood that started to slip down her wrist and onto her jeans. Ayame could see herself wince in the mirror as she pulled the cutter away and tossed it to the side and underneath the sink with a groan as she continued to watch the blood fall onto her jeans and the floor every time she moved her wrist a little.

'Shit…' she muttered as she clenched her eyes shut, causing anything the person watching the dream saw to go black. She opened her eyes and slunk farther down to the ground than she was previously, her back now on the ground with her head leaning against the door somewhat. With a groan, her wrist fell off of her bare stomach and onto the floor, causing Ayame to wince in pain and bite her lip to try and get rid of some in her wrist. 'This hurts more than I remembered…'

With that, the line of vision slowly got smaller and smaller, black replacing where the colour had once been, until there was nothing visible except black. Strangely enough, Ayame didn't wake up then, but continued to sleep soundly, but it wasn't long after that the dream started up again, though this time in a different setting and back into a different view. When the dream Ayame woke up, she was sitting in a hospital bed with a group of people crowding around her and leaning in close. She groaned and attempted to sit up, but was pushed down, softly and carefully, by two people, a male and a female.

'L-let me sit up…' she groaned, knocking away their hands as she tried sitting up again. This time, no one stopped her, just watched her with worried stares, which caused Ayame to lay back down soon after she realized why they were staring at her. 'Wait a minute… I'm in a hospital!' she asked, quickly sitting back and moving back in the bed to lean against the back of the wall so she could see something other than the ceiling.

'Yeah, you're in a hospital,' a male with long raven black hair said, looking up from his lap to Ayame. 'The doctor says you're lucky to be here because that last cut you made was really deep.' He sighed a little and looked back to his lap, crossing his legs with a groan as he waited for some kind of response.

'You said you'd stop, Ayame…' The voice was cracking as Sango looked up, brown locks of hair obscuring her vision, with tears trickling down her cheeks, leaving salty trails of water. 'You promised to stop… You _promised_.'

Again Ayame say up straight, sweating bullets this time, and looked around the room nervously, then to her wrist to see if it was just a dream. She sighed in relief to see just scars then lay back against the back of the couch with a groan, looking up at the ceiling. 'Now who am I going to talk to when I have these dreams again?' she groaned and buried her head into her arms after she pulled her knees to her chest. 'There's Sango…' she mumbled, but shook her head. Sango would probably only get on her case about things like this, saying something like how it's saying she'll start again.

'What about Kagome or InuYasha?' she asked herself, biting her lip as she looked into the darkness of her arm. She shook her head and sighed deeply, looking up towards her TV, which was still playing something from the educational channel, though this time is was about the building of the Chunnel. 'That only leaves Kouga…' Kouga. He was the only person who could ever help her when it came to this, but she didn't want to go back to him already and seem like she couldn't live on her own, which she couldn't. Ayame knew Kouga wanted her back by what he had said at the club when she told him of the break she wanted to take, but she said she wanted to be away from him for a few days, not a couple of hours.

'Kouga,' she whispered to herself, tightly hugging her knees to her chest as she closed her eyes with a sigh. 'I wish you were here…'


	13. Friends Are Forever

While Ayame was curling up and leaning against the back of the couch mumbling to herself about how she missed Kouga, Sango had walked in giggling. 'Shush, Miroku,' she said, trying to stifle her laughter as she spotted Ayame on the couch. 'Eep!' she squealed, turning around the face Miroku with a glare. She shrugged some, ignoring Miroku as he snaked an arm around her waist, and pulled away, walking over to the girl on the couch. 'Ayame, are you alright? You look like something scared you,' she said, looking to the television to see if something scary was on.

'You have someone over, go over with him and do whatever you came here for,' Ayame sighed, looking up at her room mate. She shook her head then brushed some rust coloured hair out of her eyes so she could see Sango clearly. 'Wait,' she said, looking from Sango to Miroku with a raised eyebrow, 'what's he doing here with you?' A half forced, half real smile crossed her lips as she giggled some. 'I knew it!' she exclaimed. To Ayame, Miroku and Sango's dealings had been so obvious, and, now that they were together, she could finally rub in that she was right and had been the whole time.

A slight laugh could be heard as the short-raven-haired boy walked up behind Sango, wrapping his arms around her waist with a grin. 'Well, I'm here because she dragged me along to see how you were doing,' he stated, making Ayame's grin fade. 'No that we've done that, Sango, let's go back to my place, shall we?' he asked, winking at the girl he mentioned.

'Miroku!' both Sango and Ayame shouted, their eyes widening in surprise. The way Sango had shouted was quite clearly stating 'not now, maybe later' while Ayame's was just surprise and 'no without my permission!'

Sango stared, dumbfounded, at Miroku, shaking her head at him. 'We just started dating! I'm not going to your house; you'll molest me!' That comment made Ayame burst out laughing since she found it rather funny, but, in her state, anything could be funny even if it wasn't supposed to be.

'You'd like it,' Miroku snickered.

Miroku's comment threw both Ayame and Sango off, but made Ayame laugh even harder than before. Sango, on the other hand, was now pushing Miroku out the front door, whispering something into his ear which only made him grin even more than before. 'I'll see you tomorrow,' Sango said and closed the door, rolling her eyes as she walked back over to her room mate. 'I would not like that!' she shouted, sitting down on the couch as she crossed her arms over her chest.

'You would, too, but believe what you want to,' Ayame giggled, shaking her head a little. 'You should have gone with him; you two are going out now and you need to be with each other. Besides, you're probably making him think you hate him.' She sighed a little and hugged her knees to her chest and rested her chin on top of them as she glanced to the ground, occasionally looking out of the corner of her eye at Sango.

Sango shook her head, sending chocolate brown pieces of hair into her face, 'Like you said to me when you and Kouga first started dating, 'friends are forever, boyfriends are going to leave you anyway'.' She smiled when Ayame smiled, glad to get the frown that was on her face to go away and be replaced with something happier. 'And I'm staying with you because of what you told me years ago.' With a small laugh, she quickly pulled her friend into a hug, happy that, for once, she had hugged her back.

'I stopped saying that at the end of high school and changed it to another one,' Ayame said, giggling some. 'Turned out it wasn't always true… I mean, Kouga and I are still together- er, we were.' She pulled away and bit her lip, looking at the couch cushions sadly. 'Sango, go with Miroku. Friends are forever, so I'll always be here, but Miroku might not always be there. Spend what time you can with him.'

Sighing deeply, the chocolate haired girl shook her head once more, hoping that she could get Ayame to understand somehow. 'Do you remember how long Miroku chased after me for?' she question, raising one of her eyebrows. 'He waited years to get me to go out with him; he can wait a few more days for me. You're more important to me than he is.' She hooked her finger under Ayame's chin and made her look up instead of down. 'Got it?'

The girl being spoken to nodded slowly, answering the question without saying a word, though that didn't last much longer. 'Yeah, alright… Whatever you say,' she mumbled, rolling her eyes as she looked back to the ground. 'I still think you should go with him-' She would have continued talking if she hadn't been cut off by Sango when she had started speaking.

'Get over it; I'm not leaving you right now. No matter what you say,' she said sternly as she shook her head. She inhaled deeply, and then sighed as she watched Ayame for several moments in silence. 'So you miss Kouga?' she asked, recalling what her friend has said earlier when she had said her revised saying. 'Go back to him if you want to; he'll understand why you left before.' One of her eyebrows raised as Ayame shook her head some. 'What do you mean by that?'

'He does understand why I broke it off last night…' she mumbled under her breath, her gaze dancing around the room. 'I explained it to him, and he said that he'd still be there for me…' She sighed some, running a hand through her hair with a groan, biting on her lower lip. Mumbling something to herself, she looked up to Sango, just remembering she hadn't told her it was only a break. 'Oh, er, by the way,' she started, 'it's not a permanent split, only temporary.'

'I kind of guess that with the way you were acting; if it had been permanent, you'd probably be out drinking or something like that.' Sango smiled slightly as she nodded.

What Sango had said was truth. Ayame usually went out drinking and smoking if she left someone she loved permanently. Well, it wasn't always someone she loved, but someone she had gotten rather attached to. The way she tended to act got pretty out of hand a lot, but it was always easy to calm her down and get her to shut up. The most effective way, as Sango came to realize, was pointing out all of flaws of the guy that had caused the pain. Only one or two times had that failed, but Kouga always seemed to be able to help despite the fact that Ayame had claimed to hate him through the better part of high school.

'Yeah, I just thought it'd be best to tell you before I forget…' Ayame said quietly and through a yawn. 'You know how I am,' she laughed nervously. 'I just can't go back to him already… I'd feel like I can't do anything without him. And I can't stand that feeling…' She trailed off.

Sango groaned and rolled her eyes at what she thought was the pathetic side of Ayame. 'Just get over it. You need him and you know it.' She sighed. 'He needs you; he wants to die with you. Both of you want the same thing: each other.'

The words hit Ayame like a ton of bricks, causing tears to force their way to her eyes. She did need Kouga, she knew she did, but she wasn't sure what she should do. Go back to him? That was probably the best answer, she knew that as well, but it was bringing herself to do it now. Of course she could just have Sango call Kouga up and have him come to the house, but she knew that was the easy way out, and also the way she which would make her feel terrible, and she wanted to do it herself. Somehow.

**Kat:** Alright, I've decided that the next chapter is going to be the final chapter to this story because that's where I see it ending. As a special gift to you all, I'm going to try and make that chapter longer and not just focus on Kouga and Ayame (it probably will, though), and try to add some Miroku and Sango if I find a way to put them in. So, if the next chapter takes an extremely long time, that's because I'm trying to make it extra special.


	14. Together Forever

'Y-you're right, Sango…' Ayame stuttered, looking up at Sango while she gnawed on her lower lip a little. 'I… I do need him… and I can't live without him.' Her voice was quiet and shook a little as she spoke, but it was full of determination and showed that she actually did believe the words that she was speaking. She needed him; that was all that mattered to her at the moment. Now she knew that she would never have lasted more than a day without the man who had always been there for her, even through the roughest years of her life. 'I do need him,' she said louder, sitting up straight as she nodded her head in agreement with herself. While she watched Sango for a few moments, she thought through her head what she needed to do to go back to Kouga, other than get up and walk to his house. 'And I'm going to go get him back!' she said happily, brushing away the tears that had fallen onto her cheeks. Standing up, she smiled at Sango, and nodded in thanks then walked back to her room and changed out of her pajamas into actual clothes.

Sango smiled happily to herself, glad that she was able to help knock some sense into Ayame's head before she did something dumber than usual. 'Glad I could help you,' she said, despite the fact that she knew that her friend couldn't hear her now since they were in two separate rooms on different sides of the apartment. 'I'm just happy you understood how much you two mean to each other…' She grinned and jumped up, spinning around a little as she ran towards Ayame's room, deciding she could walk with her a little to Kouga's since she wanted to head over to Miroku's house now that she had done what she intended to do. 'You heading over to Kouga's place now?' she asked through the door, leaning against the frame as she waited for an answer, yawning a little. 'If you are, I'm going to walk with you a little and then branch off and go find Miroku, okay?'

Ayame nodded to what Sango said, knowing quite well that a nod was not able to be heard, and replied in a talking manor, 'Yeah, that's fine.' She looked at herself in the mirror, looking herself over as she grabbed a brush and started to bring it through her hair, hoping to get rid of the mass of tangles she had gotten while she had been sleeping. Her pants, which she wasn't exactly happy with since they were the only clean ones she had, had a hole in the knees and her back pockets; the bottoms were frayed and had lost about an inch to all the fray. The shirt she wore was a plain gym shirt; this one was hers since Kouga's was now sitting in her laundry basket. 'Hm…' she mumbled then shrugged a little and tossed her brush onto her bed and opened the door, jumping back a few paces when she saw Sango. 'Eep!'

The brunette stared at Ayame for several minutes, and then started laughing, which eventually made Ayame start laughing, but not for the same reason as Sango. 'Did I scare you?' Sango managed to say between fits of giggles as she clutched her sides to stop the pain that she knew was going to be coming. Her reason for laughing was Ayame's face and reaction; Ayame always had those priceless looks of fear whenever something scared her even if she knew it was going to happen or was there. 'Sorry about that,' she said, her giggling starting to slow down with every passing moment, 'I forgot you scared so easily.' That gave her an idea, not for her to do, though, but for someone else, but it'd have to wait because she knew Ayame wouldn't be in the mood later when she was with Kouga. 'You ready to go?' she asked as she linked arms with her room mate and started towards the front door.

Ayame didn't need to answer the question, because, even if she wasn't ready, she had no choice but to follow Sango out of the hallway and towards the front door since she was king of attached to her at the arm for the moment. 'Yeah, not like I had a choice to come now or not, though,' she muttered under her breath as she rolled her eyes, and shook her head somewhat. She pulled her arm out of Sango's and put her hands back behind her head and looked up at the sky with a yawn, watching the stars glitter in the sky. Sighing deeply, she shook her head and looked at the ground, then to Sango, trying to figure out a way to put what she was thinking into words. 'Hey, Sango?' she asked, raising one of her eyebrows to her.

'Yeah?' she responded, looking from the door she had just locked to Ayame, trying to see if she could figure out what was on her mind before anything was said.

The rusty-haired girl stayed silent for several moments as she played the conversation out in her head, mumbling something inaudible under her breath as she glanced at the ground again. 'You remember when Kouga asked me to be his mate a while ago?' she asked, looking up since she had a good feeling Sango would only nod in answer instead of say something. Sango nodded. 'I want to take up his offer now… I mean, I really wanted to then, but I was still going through hell and I didn't want to bring him into it… Now that I've started taking control of everything, I want to be with him forever.' She sighed and looked back to the ground, wrapping her arms around her as a chill went through her spine, causing her to shiver. 'I did then, too, but now I know that things might work out better than if I had accepted back then, you know?' This time she didn't look up, but continued gazing at the ground, hoping she wouldn't need to look up to find out Sango's response.

Sango nodded, 'I know what you mean; you didn't have to expand on what you first said.' She glanced at Ayame and sighed a little, trying to think of something to say. Truthfully, she knew that if Ayame and Kouga became mates, Ayame would probably end up moving with Kouga, and Sango didn't want her best friend to leave her yet; there was so much they hadn't done together and hadn't told each other. 'Ayame, if you do this, you need to be positive it's what you want because if you figure out it'd the wrong choice after he's marked you, there's no turning back. Wolves mate for life.' Her brown eyes locked onto the ground as the two walked down the street, only a short distance from where they would separate and go their separate ways. 'Just know I'll always be here for you if Kouga doesn't cut it, okay?' she said and looked back up, only to get pulled into a tight hug soon afterwards, which caused her to stumble back a few steps. 'A-Ayame?' she asked, blinking in confusion at the girl now holding tightly onto her, trying to push said girl off.

Ayame had buried her head into Sango's shoulder beside her neck and was hugging her tightly, not wanting to get off despite Sango's wishes and attempts to push her off. 'I know we mate for life… and I know it'll be too late then, but I know I want to do this. I've wanted to since before we started going out. When he asked me last time, I… I just didn't know what to do because it felt so surreal; I didn't think he had actually asked me.' She looked up at her, her face slightly pink from her blushing since she had admitted she never really hated Kouga before they started going out, then pulled away and watched Sango, her eyes watering somewhat. 'I never hated him,' she said and spun on her left foot, putting her arms out some, 'I've loved him ever since I set eyes on him!' A great weight had now been lifted off her chest and she was so excited to have finally told someone, other than Kouga, the truth about how she had always felt about him.

A smile crept across Sango's features and settled on her lips as she watched Ayame, glad to see her actually doing something other than sulking around and lying about her feelings. She grabbed Ayame's hands and stopped her from spinning, laughing a little as she shook her head, 'You're making me dizzy!' Her gaze drifted from Ayame to the next street which was only a few minutes walk from where they were currently, which would mean she would keep going straight while Ayame would turn to the right. 'Everyone knew you loved him since then, he even knew, you were just that bad at hiding things, and when you came home drunk, you just started talking about how you wanted him and didn't really hate him.' As a deep blush crept over the wolf demon's nose and onto her cheeks, Sango chuckled and started walking again, hoping to be followed because she didn't want to just stand there anymore. 'Kouga even told me that you had walked up to him and said that you loved him; he told me that's what got him to ask you out since he knew you wouldn't say no.'

Ayame skipped after Sango then started walking when she had caught up to her and nodded a little, putting her hands back behind her head like they were earlier. 'Hm… I had always wondered why he looked at me like he did,' she said, looking up at the sky thoughtfully. 'I mean, he just gave me this weird look when he saw me in the halls, and it made me nervous; I don't know why it made me nervous, though.' She shrugged as she finished her sentence then looked back to Sango, not really sure if she wanted to know what else she had admitted when she was drunk. 'I'm glad I told him, though, because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be with him now, and I wouldn't be as happy as I am.'

The street Ayame needed to turn on came up, so the two girls stopped walking and looked at each other in silence until Ayame pulled Sango into another tight hug, whispering something into her ear. 'Don't do anything you won't regret with him,' she said, snickering some as she pulled away, 'and if he molests you, don't tell me you didn't enjoy it because I know you will.' With a wink, then a wave, Ayame turned to the right as Sango waved back and continued walkingforward, shaking her head to herself at the demon's comment.

-

While Sango wasn't paying attention, she ran into someone and looked up, trying to make words come out of her mouth as she thought, but stopped when she realized it was Miroku. 'I thought you went home?' she said in more of a question, raising an eyebrow at him as she grabbed his hand and laced fingers with him happily. She leaned against his shoulder and started walking down the street in the direction she had been heading in, ignoring any pleas that Miroku had to go another direction (not like he had any). 'Well, we can go there together then, right?' she asked and looked up at him with a smile, watching as he nodded with a smile to match hers. Stopping, Sango turned and stood in front of Miroku and draped her arms over his shoulders and stood up straight, leaning forward as she kissed him passionately.

The kiss made Miroku's breath catch in his throat as he stared down at her, his eyes wide in shock, not just by the kiss, but by the look Sango had when she broke it, obviously pleased with his look of shock. 'S-Sango,' he stuttered, a barely visible blush creeping onto his cheeks as he watched her, slowly getting over the moment of surprise. He smiled and pulled her up against his chest and kissed her back, breaking it several moments later with a shake of his head. 'You can't just kiss me and not let me kiss you back,' he said jokingly and took her hand, entangling fingers with her, and started walking again. 'Especially when you know you drive me insane by teasing me like that,' he added with a laugh as he glanced down towards his girlfriend. He raised an eyebrow at the look on Sango's face, not having expected to see her looking at the ground sadly, 'What's the matter?'

'Miroku…' she asked, looking up at him as they walked, glancing back towards the ground soon after, 'can I live with you now?' She had a feeling that might be asking too much, or that it might make Miroku think he could do whatever he wanted to her if he said yes, but she didn't care at the moment. All that she wanted was to be with him after turning him down for six years, and now that she had him all to herself, she wanted to make sure it stayed that way. 'I… I understand if you don't want me to… I was just… curious is all…' Her voice was quiet, but still audible, and she looked back up to him with a slightly quirked eyebrow, hoping that the turn down wouldn't be too harsh.

'Don't want you to?' Miroku asked, taken aback that Sango would actually think he didn't want her living with him. He smiled and pulled her into a tight hug, whispering into her ear, 'Of course you can live with me; I wouldn't have it any other way.' He smiled and kissed her forehead as he pulled away from her, locking his purple gaze onto her Sango's brown gaze happily. 'But… why do you want to move in with me so suddenly? Don't take that the wrong way, because I really am glad you would actually think of moving in with me, I'm just wondering if you and Ayame got into a fight is all.' That had been more of an explanation than Miroku had thought he'd have to give, and he realized he had probably said too much, but it was too late for him to take what he said back. 'I'll shut up now…' he muttered, rubbing the back of his head nervously as he forced a smile on his lips as he bit his lower lip slightly.

Sango stayed silent and just looked up at Miroku silently, trying to figure out how to put the reason into words; she had what she wanted to say in her head, but it was putting it into words that was giving her trouble. 'No, we didn't get into a fight… We have nothing to fight about anyway, so that couldn't be the reason,' she said with a slight shrug, leaning her head against his chest as she sighed happily. 'She's just going to be with Kouga forever now, and I don't want to live in the apartment without her…' Nodding her head, Sango looked up to Miroku, groaning as she rolled her eyes at the look of confusion that had settled on his face. 'Ayame's letting Kouga take her as his mate when she gets to his house. They're going to be with each other forever when they mark one another…' she said, sighing sadly. She was happy for Ayame, she really was, but she was going to be losing her best friend and wasn't going to be able to live with her unless Ayame and Kouga got into a fight, which she kind of doubted would happen.

Miroku nodded in understanding then stopped and raised an eyebrow at Sango, 'And Kouga never told me he was going to do this?' An exasperated sigh left Sango's slightly parted lips as she started walking again, mumbling something about Miroku being an idiot under her breath. 'Or did he and I just didn't pay attention? Yeah, probably the latter,' he said and shrugged, walked after Sango as he grabbed her hand to slow her down. 'Hey, it'll be alright, so don't worry about it. You and Ayame will still get together; there's no way Kouga could take up _all_ of her time, you know.' He shrugged a little then wrapped an arm around Sango's shoulders and looked down at her, still sensing a little bit of uneasiness from the girl.

'I know he would never be able to take up all of her time…' she mumbled and shook her head, keeping her gaze averted to the ground as she groaned. 'Still… I get the feeling that maybe she'll forget about me.' Sango sighed and looked up to Miroku, shaking her head somewhat since she knew that Ayame would never forget about her. 'I'm not sure why I think that, but I just have this bad feeling about that… kind of like a bad dream you don't want to come true.' She paused and looked back to the ground, leaning up against Miroku's shoulder with a small yawn, wrapping her arm around his waist happily. 'And I don't understand how you didn't know Kouga wanted to mark her; he made it so obvious when he announced it at the club last year.' A small laugh came from her as the memory played out in her head, laughing even more when she remembered Ayame's face after hearing the announcement.

Miroku pondered Sango's last statement for a few silent minutes, then shrugged as he snaked his arm around Sango's shoulders, pulling her against him. 'Well, you're right; it's amazing I don't remember that, but it has been a year, and I don't exactly need to remember things such as that, you know.' He smiled a little as he looked down at the brunette by his side, 'She won't forget you, Sango. Ayame thinks of you as her best friend; she'd never forget you after moving out and in with another guy. I'm sure that she would be astonished to hear that you think she'd forget you.' For some reason, Miroku felt like making his sentences longer, even if they had no point, and using larger words than normal. 'You shouldn't assume she'd forget you when she'd never do that; she loves you too much to do that so easily.' With a slight sigh, he bent down and pulled Sango into a tight hug after sensing that she was upset, and ran his hands through her hair, hoping to calm her some. 'Shush, Sango, it'll be alright,' he whispered into her ear.

-

Ayame stopped several feet from Kouga's door, her arms wrapped tightly around her as she shivered some when a breeze blew by, sending chills down her spin when it hit the bare skin on her arms. She had walked to Kouga's house and had made it there, but now she needed to walk the rest of the way up to his door and knock, and Ayame had a feeling that might take a while. Inhaling deeply, she lifted her right foot off the ground and set it in front of her, doing the same with her left until she got to his front door. Gnawing softly of her lower lip, she lifted her hand up to knock on the door, leaving it inches away as she thought out the plan in her mind, hoping it would go her way and Kouga _would_ take her back. One last reassuring thought to herself later, she had knocked on the door and was standing outside in the cold, looking at the doorknob for any sign of movement from it to warn that someone was coming. Tears started to pour down her cheeks after standing outside for several minutes with no movement from the inside of the house; could Kouga be avoiding her now?

As Ayame turned to leave, her gaze downcast to the ground and her neck bent as she watched the sidewalk pass beneath her feet, something from behind made a noise that caught her attention. 'Ay-Ayame?' the voice asked groggily, rubbing his eyes as he started towards her with a raised eyebrow. 'What're you doing here at this hour?' Kouga put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around to face him, watching as she stared up at him through her glossy eyes, tears staining her cheeks. He placed his hands on the side of her face and brushed away her tears with his thumbs, then pulled her into a hug, whispering in her ear, hoping to calm her. 'Ayame, don't cry anymore; I'm here for you. No matter what, I'll be here for you.' Pushing raven hair out of his blue eyes, Kouga picked Ayame up bridal style in his arms and walked into his house, closing the door with his foot when he got inside.

Ayame whimpered several times as she nuzzled into Kouga's bare chest, sobbing silently while she wrapped her arms around his neck, saying something incomprehensible to him as she cried. 'K-Kouga… I'm so sorry… I… I shouldn't have said we needed the break; I don't know how I thought I could go more than a day without you,' she said, looking up at him, her lower lip quivering while tears obscuring her vision. 'I never thought that it'd cause me this much pain without knowing you were there. I never knew I needed you as much as I do now and I'll never make a mistake as dumb as this one. I'll never do it again, Kouga, and I want to be with you forever.' The last part of what she said was muffled some as she buried her head into his chest and started to sob into it while Kouga ran his hands through her hair. 'I was afraid you might not want me anymore when you didn't answer; I was so frightened that I'd never have you back.'

'Shush, Ayame, please stop crying,' he whispered to her, sitting down on the couch as he pulled the sobbing figure tightly against his chest. Kouga rested his head on her shoulder, sighing as he listened to her last sentence, then shook his head, waiting until he found a break in her whimpers and sobs to start talking again. 'Not want you? Ayame, I love you more than anything else in this world, and there's no way I'd not want you anymore. There's nothing I'd want more than you; nothing can ever replace you and nothing will.' He smiled slightly when Ayame finally looked up into his eyes, and kissed her softly, yet passionately, on the lips, issuing every bit of feeling towards her could in his half awake state. 'I told you last night before you left that I needed you with me, and I'm still saying that. I'll never change my mind about needing you to be with me, Ayame, and don't think I will.' A smile crossed his features as he nuzzled her softly, glad to get a nuzzle back, no matter how small and light it was, 'I said I'd wait forever for you, and I damn well will if I really have to.'

'Oh, Kouga,' Ayame said and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, resting her head in the crook of his neck happily. 'I've been thinking… now that I know I need you, and I know you would wait for me forever, which I think means you need me,' she said, and raised an eyebrow to Kouga, who nodded. 'I want to be your mate, Kouga. I want to be with you forever; I want to be yours and yours alone. Does the offer still stand?' she asked, looking at him hopefully as she rested her forehead against his, waiting for the answer.

'Of course the offer still stands,' Kouga said, practically jumping with joy when he heard Ayame wanted to be his mate. 'It would stand forever, just like I would wait forever.' He smiled and nuzzled her, wrapping his arms around Ayame's waist as she pulled away from his neck. 'Mark me first if you really want to do this, okay?' he said, locking eyes with her as she nodded her head slowly.

Ayame nodded and slowly lowered her head to Kouga's neck, kissing it softly as she let her fangs graze across the skin. She winced slightly as she slowly dug her fangs into the skin on his neck and Kouga winced a bit, holding tightly onto Ayame as she started to lap the blood up from the wound she had caused. Now she was a little iffy about having Kouga do the same to her because if Kouga winced, she knew she'd probably end up crying by the end of it, but it was too late to turn back. As she began lifting her head up from the mark, she licked it once more, then kissed it softly and looked up at Kouga, tears already stinging the corners of her eyes.

'Don't be afraid, Ayame,' Kouga whispered into her ear as he licked the rim of it, slowly leading a trail of kisses down to her neck. 'I'll make it as quick as I can, okay?' Ayame nodded slowly in answer to his question, biting her lower lip as she closed her eyes tightly. Kouga started to lightly bite and nip at her neck, hoping that by the time he did dig his fangs into her neck, she'd have been somewhat numb to the pain, though highly doubted it because it was Ayame he was talking about. 'Are you ready?' he asked, though didn't wait for the answer, and dug his fangs deep into Ayame's neck until he could taste the blood.

Ayame whimpered and let the tears that she had been holding back fall down her cheeks as Kouga lapped the blood up, then hugged her tightly to his chest. 'It's alright, Ayame, we're together now. We're together forever like you and I both wanted.'


End file.
